Monday, 30 January 2017

Scientific measurement of Islamophobia

by  Sherlock Gómez
Sherlock Gómez is a forensic pimp for the Watchdogs of Virtue and Vice in Derna, Libya.
Islamophobometrology (IPM) is the science of measuring Islamophobias.
Now that the scientific study of Islamophobia (“Islamophobology“ - IPL) has reached such an advanced state of theoretical coherence and conceptual refinement, the stage has been set for the quantification phase that any self-respecting social science must inevitably traverse on approaching epistemic maturity. 
Accordingly I here outline a schema, or panoply, if you will, of units of measurement that is planned -- once fully developed -- to enable measurement not only of absolute micro- and macro-Islamophobia, but also of their derivatives to the third degree along the parameters of space, time, age of respondent and atmospheric pressure. All the requisite terminology is likewise supplied, including abbreviations of all units of measurement and their translations into 76 languages and dialects including Mongolian and Esperanto. 
Thus IPL will be equipped with an assortment of units of measurement befitting the grandeur of its historic mission in the development of the social sciences, namely as a handmaiden of sharia law, ushering in the New Era of Light and Bliss that will inexorably prevail once the supremacy of Allah has been acknowledged all over this planet.
I shall begin my exposé by defining the basic unit of measurement intended to quantify  micro-Islamophobia, namely the quantum of Islamophobia generated by a single individual of median metabolic rate and islamophobic disposition.
In honor of the chief instigator of modern Islamophobia as we know it, I shall call the unit of Islamophobia the spencer (∑). 

The spencer (∑) is defined as a vertical linear acceleration in the amount of one meter per second squared, characterizing the motion of a rising eyebrow, 3 milliseconds after visual stimulation of the matching eye through exposure, at a distance of 20 meters, to 1 (one) mid-sized female wearing a beige hijab. 

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