Wednesday, 12 June 2013

EVERY MAN HAS HIS PRICE

By Igor Slamoff

Every man has his price, as the saying goes, and I am no exception to the rule. As a matter of fact I don't have only one price, but a whole price list, depending on which cherished item I am willing to relinquish in exchange for coin of the realm.

Right now I am really pissed off at the international Zionist conspiracy, because they didn't even bother to answer a letter in which I hinted that in view of the incalculable damage I am inflicting on the pestiferous Gangstapimp swamp, they should reward me to the tune of a couple of million shekels, but that I would settle for a thousand euros a week. Cheap bastards! 

In view of this unprecedented affront to my ego on the part of international Zionism, I am willing to offer a sweet deal to the competition, i.e. to those worthies who manifest profound camel-driver convictions. These are my terms. All prices in Swiss francs+ VAT.

IGOR SLAMOFF PRICE LIST
Valid until Eid al Adha 1434 A.H.
1. BASIC OFFER:  I shut the fuck up, i.e. cease to write, draw, dance or otherwise make a nuisance of myself in matters concerning religion and allied fields. I shut down the Slaughterfaith blog, destroy all its records and undertake to not to start up any successor web site  of any description. 

Special price until Ramadan 
33,000.00
After Ramadan               
66,000.00
2. SELLOUT PACKAGE: 
Same as  Basic Offer     

PLUS I convert to Islam in a private ceremony at the Masjid al-Haram in Mecca            
100,000.00
Plus first-class airfare Heathrow-Mecca and return

3. SUPER-SELLOUT
Same as Sellout Package

PLUS 3 appearance on Al-Jazeera denouncing Zionist imperialism
Check out my attached list of optional atrocity allegations.
150,000.00
5,000 each
4. SUPER-SELLOUT GALORE
Same as Super-Sellout 
PLUS I go on world tour with Abu Zuhri (you know, that nerdy little fart who has apparently become the heir apparent to top spot in HamAss) denouncing Zionism plus two additional pet Mohammedan peeves to be selected by client. 
Special surcharge for refraining from strangling Abu Zuhri at the first opportunity
TOTAL
250,000.00

50,000.00
300,000.00
5. IGNOMINIOUS CAPITULATION I
Same as Super-Sellout Galore  
PLUS 6 televised plugs for The Protocols of the Elders of Zion 
350,000.00
6. IGNOMINIOUS CAPITULATION II
Same as Super-Sellout Galore   
PLUS Categorical 25-min. denunciation of islamophobia / islamophilia at a venue to be designated by client.
Optional indignation surcharge  


350,000.00
35,000.00


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