Thursday, 3 January 2013

- Mid-Manhattan Sharia Court proceedings


From the transcripts of the Mid-Manhattan Sharia Court for Petty Offenses

Date:   23 Muharram 1468 A.H.
Qadi trying the case: The Learned Ibrahim Hoover

            THE CLERK:

In the name of Totem-Scrotum, the Morsiful and Chimpassionate
There stand before  the  court :
  1. The Perpetrators
  2. The Henchpersons of the Perpetrators
  3. The Instigators of the Perpetrators and their Henchpersons
  4. The Instigators of the Perpetrators and their Enablers
  5. The Enablers of the Instigators of the Perpetrators and their Henchpersons
  6. The Financiers of the Enablers of the Instigators of the Perpetrators and their Henchpersons
  • The Perpetrators stand before the court charged with the offense of Perpetration to the Nth degree;
  • The Henchpersons of the Perpetrators stand before the court charged with the offense of Aiding and Abetting Perpetration to the Nth degree;
  • The Instigators of the Perpetrators and their Henchpersons stand before the court charged with the offense of Instigation to Perpetration to the Nth degree;
  • The Enablers of the Instigators of the Perpetrators and their Henchpersons stand before the court charged with the offense of Enabling Instigation to Perpetration  to the Nth degree;
  • The Financiers of the Enablers of the Instigators of the Perpetrators and their Henchpersons stand before the court charged with the offense of Financing the Enablement of Instigation to Perpetration  to the Nth degree;
THE COURT:

In the name of Totem-Scrotum, the Morsiful and Chimpassionate
How do you plead?
Defendant Mingo Kaputt
(Nickname in the milieu: “Squalid Walid”):
"Well, it's like this, Your Honor. Me and the Missus were just having a little pick-me-up on the, back porch, when all of a sudden, out of the blue … “
THE COURT:

Defendants plead guilty on all counts.  Off with their heads!  Next case!

[end of transcript]


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