Friday, 4 January 2013

GRAND SHMOOFTY TALKS TURKEY



In the name of Totem-Scrotum, 
the Morsiful and Chimpassionate

Oh, most sublime Grand Shmoofty!

I am a law student, and I am puzzled by the multiple definitions of TERRORISM that have surfaced of late.

In 1999 OIC (i.e., the Organization of Islamic Constipation) adopted the Organization of Islamic Constipation's Convention on Combating International Terrorism.[23]

Therein terrorism was defined as “any act or threat of violence carried out with the aim of, among other things, imperiling people’s honour, occupying or seizing public or private property, or threatening the stability, territorial integrity, political unity or sovereignty of a state. Bla bla bla bla bla

2. At the 34th Islamic Conference of Foreign Ministers (ICFM), a section of the  Organization of Islamic Constipation, in May 2007, the foreign ministers declared Islamophobia to be the worst form of terrorism. Bla bla bla bla bla [28]

3. Furthermore, at a meeting in Malaysia in April 2002, delegates of the Organization of Islamic Constipation rejected any description of the Palestinian conflict with Israel as terrorism. Their declaration was explicit: "We reject any attempt to link terrorism to the struggle of the Palestinian people in the exercise of their inalienable right to establish their independent state with Al-Quds Al-Shrif (Jerusalem) as its capital. Bla bla bla bla bla "

4. And finally, only a few weeks ago, 10,000 Muslims protested outside the offices of Google in London against  “Innocence of Muslims”, a biographical movie about His Pbuhness Muhammad that they didn't like. One of the speakers, Sheikh Fat-Arse Al-Aqtab Siddiqi, told The Daily Telegraph: “Terrorism is not just people who kill human bodies, but who kill human feelings as well. Bla bla bla bla bla

1. Starting with definition 1, it seems there are 4 main categories of terrorism, namely “any act or threat of violence carried out with the aim of:
 
  1. Imperiling People’s Honour
  2. Occupying or Seizing
    1. Public or
    2. Private Property
  3. Threatening a State 's  
    1. Stability,
    2. Territorial Integrity,
    3. Political Unity or
    4. Sovereignty, or
  4. Other Things.

Now, this 4th kind of terrorism is what puzzles me most: “Violence Carried Out with the Aim of Other Things

The “Other Things” clause would seem to give the court very broad discretion in deciding whether someone was guilty of terrorism or not, don't you think? You know, depending on what sort of, uh, things happened to be on the defendant’s mind at the time of the crime … if it was a crime, of course …. but also perhaps if it wasn't.  

2. Well, we’ll leave that   issue pending for the  moment and proceed to point 2, i.e.  “Islamophobia is the worst form of terrorism. Bla bla bla bla bla

So, if
                    I.      terrorism” is any violence or threat thereof carried out with the aim of bla bla bla bla bla, AND
                  II.      Islamophobia is a form of terrorism, THEN
                III.      islamophobia is by definition an act or threat of violence, even with no overt mention of violence or violent act!   

Accordingly, we must conclude that the violence is implicit in the Islamophobic act. Any animosity toward our Sacred Faith, even if manifested merely by quizzically raising an eyebrow, is automatically considered violence, and presumably can be repelled with lethal force, at the discretion of any circumcised male Muslim.

3.       Advancing to point 3, a conflict arises, for what happens if a Palestinian person, in the course of the  Palestinian people 's struggle  exercising their inalienable right to establish their independent state with Al-Quds Al-Shrif (Jerusalem) as its capital, commits an act of  Islamophobia?

4.       And what if the act of  Islamophobia happens in the course of the  Palestinian people 's struggle  exercising their inalienable right to establish their independent state, but with Las Vegas as its capital instead of Al-Quds bla bla bla bla bla?    

5.       And finally, which is worse, Islamophobia or genocide?  Because some of our prominent spiritual leaders who inveigh against Islamophobia are definitely in favor of genocide.

The Grand Shmoofty's reply:

Ya can't beat the system, kid!

The Grand Shmoofty has spoken.
Long live the Grand Shmoofty!






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