In the name of Totem-Scrotum,
the Morsiful and Chimpassionate
Oh, most sublime Grand Shmoofty!
I am a law student, and I am puzzled by the multiple definitions of TERRORISM that have surfaced of late.
In 1999 OIC (i.e., the Organization of Islamic Constipation) adopted the Organization of Islamic Constipation's Convention on Combating International Terrorism.
Therein terrorism was defined as “any act or threat of violence carried out with the aim of, among other things, imperiling people’s honour, occupying or seizing public or private property, or threatening the stability, territorial integrity, political unity or sovereignty of a state. Bla bla bla bla bla ”
2. At the 34th Islamic Conference of Foreign Ministers (ICFM), a section of the Organization of Islamic Constipation, in May 2007, the foreign ministers declared Islamophobia to be the worst form of terrorism. Bla bla bla bla bla 
3. Furthermore, at a meeting in
April 2002, delegates of the Organization of Islamic Constipation rejected any
description of the Palestinian conflict with as terrorism. Their
declaration was explicit: "We reject any attempt to link terrorism
to the struggle of the Palestinian people in the exercise of their inalienable
right to establish their independent state with Al-Quds Al-Shrif
( Israel ) as
its capital. Bla bla bla bla bla " Jerusalem
4. And finally, only a few weeks ago, 10,000 Muslims protested outside the offices of Google in
against “Innocence of Muslims”, a biographical movie
about His Pbuhness Muhammad that they didn't like. One of the speakers, Sheikh
Fat-Arse Al-Aqtab Siddiqi, told The Daily Telegraph: “Terrorism is
not just people who kill human bodies, but who kill human feelings as well.
Bla bla bla bla bla ” London
1. Starting with definition 1, it seems there are 4 main categories of terrorism, namely “any act or threat of violence carried out with the aim of:
- Imperiling People’s Honour
- Occupying or Seizing
- Public or
- Private Property
- Threatening a State 's
- Territorial Integrity,
- Political Unity or
- Sovereignty, or
- Other Things.
Now, this 4th kind of terrorism is what puzzles me most: “Violence Carried Out with the Aim of Other Things”
The “Other Things” clause would seem to give the court very broad discretion in deciding whether someone was guilty of terrorism or not, don't you think? You know, depending on what sort of, uh, things happened to be on the defendant’s mind at the time of the crime … if it was a crime, of course …. but also perhaps if it wasn't.
2. Well, we’ll leave that issue pending for the moment and proceed to point 2, i.e. “Islamophobia is the worst form of terrorism. Bla bla bla bla bla ”
I. “terrorism” is any violence or threat thereof carried out with the aim of bla bla bla bla bla, AND
II. Islamophobia is a form of terrorism, THEN
III. islamophobia is by definition an act or threat of violence, even with no overt mention of violence or violent act!
Accordingly, we must conclude that the violence is implicit in the Islamophobic act. Any animosity toward our Sacred Faith, even if manifested merely by quizzically raising an eyebrow, is automatically considered violence, and presumably can be repelled with lethal force, at the discretion of any circumcised male Muslim.
3. Advancing to point 3, a conflict arises, for what happens if a Palestinian person, in the course of the Palestinian people 's struggle exercising their inalienable right to establish their independent state with Al-Quds Al-Shrif (
) as its capital,
commits an act of Islamophobia?
4. And what if the act of Islamophobia happens in the course of the Palestinian people 's struggle exercising their inalienable right to establish their independent state, but with
as its capital instead of Al-Quds
bla bla bla bla bla? Las Vegas
5. And finally, which is worse, Islamophobia or genocide? Because some of our prominent spiritual leaders who inveigh against Islamophobia are definitely in favor of genocide.
The Grand Shmoofty's reply:
Ya can't beat the system, kid!
The Grand Shmoofty has spoken.
Long live the Grand Shmoofty!