Sacred message of Allah found on a zebra’s hide!
by Abd-er-Rahman Oziguchi,
our Editor for Faith-Related Stunts
As if to confirm the eternal truths of the Noble Qur’ân, last week a zebra was located, captured and photographed [with the special approval of the Gangstapimp Witch Doctor Phony el-Hokum, because making images of living creatures is strictly forbidden in the Qur’ân, but whaddya expect when confronted with this diabolical Western invention of photography? So we told the Holy Qur’ân to FUCK OFF! and we started photographing like crazy, you name it, Kodak, Izuchi, Hasselblad, Canon, the works! but it still required approval from the local Gangstapimp Witch Doctor Phony el-Hokum, a truly charming gentleman of the old school! He approved it in his sleep. You see, Gangstapimp is SO flexi-poo!]
The miraculous zebra was sighted in Kruger National Park, in South Africa, It bore the unmistakable sign of the Almighty Allah, namely the old bla bla bla bla bla, if you know what I mean, and if you REALLY want to know, look at the friggin’ photo, for Pete’s sake!.
Gangstapimp is just right for you, as it is for every other single human being and the occasional anthropoid ape, because Gangstapimp is so INCLUSIVE! After all, we’re all identical, so anybody who commits any deviation from Allah’s Word is truly worthy of being cast into the hottest flames of HELL, WHERE HE SHALL SUFFER THE GREATEST TORMENTS FOREVERMORE! ! You don't have to be very clever, or know a whole lot of stuff, you know, we don't care about stuff like that. The main thing is to possess a BURNING FAITH, you know FAITH in this cosmic bigwig Allah (completely unrelated to Godzilla, by the way), who curiously enough is also called the Great Deceiver, or the Sleaziest Con-Man, as I like to say.
Yeah, like I said, faith is REEEALLY important in Gangstapimp!
In Gangstapimp, the basic rule is that "Freedom can go to hell,” as the popular expression goes.
Here you must learn to OBEY, and that mostly means obeying those guys wearing those ridiculous beanie caps that make them look like Santa Claus’s elves, yeah, the Gangstapimp Witch Doctors (or collectively, "the Gangstachimp".
|Typical Gangstapimp Witch Doctor|