Thursday, 29 November 2012
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Sacred message of Allah found on a zebra’s hide!
by Abd-er-Rahman Oziguchi,
our Editor for Faith-Related Stunts
As if to confirm the eternal truths of the Noble Qur’ân, last week a zebra was located, captured and photographed [with the special approval of the Gangstapimp Witch Doctor Phony el-Hokum, because making images of living creatures is strictly forbidden in the Qur’ân, but whaddya expect when confronted with this diabolical Western invention of photography? So we told the Holy Qur’ân to FUCK OFF! and we started photographing like crazy, you name it, Kodak, Izuchi, Hasselblad, Canon, the works! but it still required approval from the local Gangstapimp Witch Doctor Phony el-Hokum, a truly charming gentleman of the old school! He approved it in his sleep. You see, Gangstapimp is SO flexi-poo!]
The miraculous zebra was sighted in Kruger National Park, in South Africa, It bore the unmistakable sign of the Almighty Allah, namely the old bla bla bla bla bla, if you know what I mean, and if you REALLY want to know, look at the friggin’ photo, for Pete’s sake!.
Gangstapimp is just right for you, as it is for every other single human being and the occasional anthropoid ape, because Gangstapimp is so INCLUSIVE! After all, we’re all identical, so anybody who commits any deviation from Allah’s Word is truly worthy of being cast into the hottest flames of HELL, WHERE HE SHALL SUFFER THE GREATEST TORMENTS FOREVERMORE! ! You don't have to be very clever, or know a whole lot of stuff, you know, we don't care about stuff like that. The main thing is to possess a BURNING FAITH, you know FAITH in this cosmic bigwig Allah (completely unrelated to Godzilla, by the way), who curiously enough is also called the Great Deceiver, or the Sleaziest Con-Man, as I like to say.
Yeah, like I said, faith is REEEALLY important in Gangstapimp!
In Gangstapimp, the basic rule is that "Freedom can go to hell,” as the popular expression goes.
Here you must learn to OBEY, and that mostly means obeying those guys wearing those ridiculous beanie caps that make them look like Santa Claus’s elves, yeah, the Gangstapimp Witch Doctors (or collectively, "the Gangstachimp".
|Typical Gangstapimp Witch Doctor|
Friday, 23 November 2012
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
By Oliver Sherlock Holmes
Part 1 of a series Critics of Robert Spencer
Louay M. Safi is a big-shot Mohammedan politico and academic in the
who is generally considered a “moderate”. US
Indeed, according to Wikipedia, he opposes the death penalty that Islam traditionally imposes on apostates, claims islam is compatible with democracy, favors islamic reform, says that “Jihad as an armed struggle can be legitimately employed to repel aggression and lift oppression, but only as the last resort”, “rejects interpretations of islamic sources that instigate interreligious hostility”, etc.
He has also “frequently defended the fledgling Muslim American community against attacks from the far right.”
blames the Far Right for promoting and harboring islamophobia ... The Far Right,
he insists, wants to see deep rift between islam and the West, and has turned
Muslim Americans into targets and suspects, thereby reducing their ability to
play the bridge-building role.” (from Wikipedia) Safi
|Ostensibly respectable Gangstapimp|
In The Dirty Dozen -- Who's who among
America's leading islamophobes, Steve
Rendall and Isabel Macdonald of the media watchdog FAIR cited to discredit Robert Spencer, stating that “…[Spencer’s] scholarship has been
questioned by islamic scholars (e.g. … Louay M. Safi, ,
12/29/05 … Safi
I searched for that article on the Media Monitors Network website, but in vain, alas! Consequently I read a different article by the same author, in order to learn more about his views.
In his article Islamophobia: A Call to Confronting a Creeping Disease, on Media Monitors Network (Thursday, March 29, 2007), Louay M. Safi claims that the Fiqh Council of North America [FCNA] is a “mainstream Muslim organization” that is a “target of smear campaigns in which innuendo, half-truth, and guilt by association have been employed to undermine and disrupt their efforts to integrate the Muslim American community into mainstream American society.”
One of the sources of this "smear campaign" against that pillar of rectitude that is the FCNA is evidently a shamelessly right-wing outfit called “Team B II”. According to this organization,
Safi is lying through his teeth, because they demonstrate that in
reality the Fiqh Council of North America
is nothing but an islamo-Fascist terror gang.
That is certainly a grave accusation, likely to inspire doubts about the sanity of the accusers. This group of right-wingers, however, cannot be easily dismissed as merely a bunch of crackpots, since it claims to include “a former CIA director, a former DIA [Defense Intelligence Agency] director, a former Assistant Secretary of Defense for International Security Policy, a former Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence, a retired US Navy PACOM [Pacific Command] Commander-in-Chief, a former Defense Department Inspector General, a former US Ambassador and Chief Negotiator of Defense and Space Talks, a former Assistant U.S. Attorney and federal prosecutor, a former retired CIA case officer, a former Joint Chiefs of Staff senior consultant, a former FBI counterterrorism agent…” etc.
It's true that top bureaucrats sometimes lie, perhaps often. For example FBI boss George Tenet lied in 2002 when he said that Saddam Hussein possessed weapons of mass destruction, thus giving the neocons a green flag to annex
fields. However it's difficult to imagine so many of them lying in unison,
especially when they back up their charges with press reports and videotapes. Iraq
According to ThinkProgress Strikes Out on Team B II Report,
"... the Fiqh Council of North America (FNCA), which bills itself as “islam’s highest religious authority in
North America.” …[is] … a virtual
host of convicted terrorists, unindicted co-conspirators and terror
cheerleaders." Their names are:
“• FCNA founding trustee Abdurahman Alamoudi is currently serving a 23-year federal prison sentence for his role in a Libyan intelligence plot to assassinate then-Saudi Crown Prince (now King) Abdullah. In July 2005, the Treasury Department identified Alamoudi as a top Al-Qaeda fundraiser, …
• … Taha Jaber Al-Awani. As reported by the Wall Street Journal, Al-Awani wrote a letter to Al-Arian saying that he viewed his organization “as part of and an extension” of Al-Arian’s Palestinian Islamic Jihad front group in
Al-Awani previously served … [ìn] … the Saudi Embassy’s religious affairs
department … Florida
• Current FCNA chairman Muzammil Siddiqi … As reported by the New Yorker, Siddiqi also dutifully served as translator for the Blind Shiekh [sic] just two months before the 1993
bombing as he harangued Siddiqi’s congregation about the necessity of violent
• Another highly respected islamic cleric and FCNA member is Mohammad Al-Hanooti, who has the dubious distinction of being named unindicted co-conspirator in both the 1995 Blind Sheikh prosecution and the 2008 Holy Land Foundation terrorism financing trial. A 2002 investigation by the Albany Times Union stated that several members of the cell that bombed the
in 1993 attended
Al-Hanooti’s mosque, with the mosque’s address being used to rent the truck
used in the bombing. In August 1999, he testified on behalf of Al-Qaeda
operative Ihad Ali saying that Ali’s refusal to provide information about the
1998 bombings of the American embassies in World Trade
was authorized by islamic law that prohibits a muslim from testifying against
another muslim. A 2001 declassified FBI memorandum identified Al-Hanooti as a
major Hamas fundraiser, saying that he had raised $6 million for Hamas in one
year alone. Tanzania
• Fawaz Damra, … [who] … was stripped of his
citizenship and deported in
January 2007 after his conviction for lying on immigration forms about his ties
to terrorism. What prompted the charges against Damra were videotapes of him
leading a fundraiser with Sami Al-Arian to benefit Palestinian Islamic Jihad
and federal wiretaps of Al-Arian and Damra discussing raising funds for the
families of PIJ suicide bombers. U.S.
• Yusuf Kavakci, who who was criticized in an editorial by the Dallas Morning News for speaking at a Dec. 2004 Dallas conference honoring the Ayatollah Khomeini and for describing two of the world’s most renowned islamic radical clerics, Yousef Al-Qaradawi and Hassan Al-Turabi, as “exemplary leaders.”
When a moderate like
an ostensible opponent of Mohammedan terror, stands foursquare behind a gang of
proven terrorist maniacs like the FCNA, we can fairly surmise that a great many
other ostensibly moderate Mohammedans are likewise in cahoots with fanatical islamic
cultthroats. Louay Safi is a well-connected,
big-shot Mohammedan politico of many years’ standing, who has a finger in every
pie. It is inconceivable that he was hoodwinked by the bloodthirsty maniacs who
compose the Fiqh Council of North America. Safi
Consequently, by giving a clean bill of health to that corrupt gang of terrorist thugs, Safi is announcing to all the world his creepy infatuation with the megalomaniac Gangstapimp project of conquering an entire planet on behalf of a sinister but fictitious comic-book character known sometimes as “Allah” and sometimes as “the sleaziest con-man”. In other words Safi is nothing but a thinly disguised Islamo-Fascist dirtbag, biding his time before he unfurls the jihad flag and brandishes his scimitar.
Accordingly, the label “moderate Mohammedan” seems to mean very little indeed.
This would appear prima facie to support Robert Spencer’s thesis of the intrinsically terroristic nature of islam.
And finally, when Steve Rendall and Isabel Macdonald, of FAIR, cite charges against Robert Spencer issued by an individual as treacherous, vile and hypocritical as Louay Safi evidently is, they do nothing but enhance Spencer’s reputation, contrary to their obvious intent.
indeed appears to be a bona fide scholar, since he has a Ph.D. in
Political Science from Wayne State University
in . (from Wikipedia) Detroit, Michigan
 Steve Rendall and Isabel Macdonald: The Dirty Dozen. Who's who among
's leading Islamophobes,
http://www.fair.org The authors further
write “This article is part of FAIR's study, "Smearcasting, How
Islamophobes Spread Bigotry, Fear and Misinformation." Visit the
report's special micro-site at www.smearcasting.com
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
Monday, 5 November 2012
Islam – A Criminal Religion
Mohammed enjoys an excellent reputation among his followers the Mohammedans, who are ceaselessly exhorted to imitate him in all things. . On the other hand Mohammed committed many odious crimes. Consequently Mohammedans are indoctrinated to commit crimes.
Hence Islam is a criminal religion.The proof:
Dr. Muqtedar Khan:
“The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), is deeply revered in the Islamic tradition. Every time Muslims mention his name and every time they offer prayers, they seek blessings for him. For Muslims, the Prophet Muhammad’s actions, words and silences [are] all tantamount to divine law. No human has ever been so revered by so many. Prophet Muhammad is remembered and celebrated all the time by Muslims.”
Dr. Muqtedar Khan is Associate Professor in the University of Delaware. He is also a fellow at the Institute for Social Policy and Understanding. His website is www.ijtihad.org
From Ibn Ishaq’s biography of Mohammed:
Mohammed, with 1600 soldiers, conquered the town of Khaybar. The apostle said "Allahu Akbar! Khaybar will be destroyed." '
Dr. Muqtedar Khan: “For Muslims, the Prophet Muhammad’s actions, words and silences [are] all tantamount to divine law.”
Kinana, [the Khaybar chief ]… had been guardian of the tribe's treasures, and he was brought before the apostle, who asked where they were hidden. But Kinana refused to disclose the place. …The apostle of Allah handed [Kinana] over to al Zubayr, saying, 'Torture him until he tells what he knows', and al Zubayr kindled a fire on his chest so that he almost expired; then the apostle gave him to Muhammad b. Maslama, who struck off his head.
Dr. Muqtedar Khan: “For Muslims, the Prophet Muhammad’s actions, words and silences [are] all tantamount to divine law.”
After [Mohammed] had reached an understanding with the people of Khaybar, they asked to be allowed to cultivate their own lands, and to retain one half of the produce … The apostle concluded peace with them on this basis, but added, 'If we should find it convenient to expel you, we shall do so.'
Dr. Muqtedar Khan: “For Muslims, the Prophet Muhammad’s actions, words and silences [are] all tantamount to divine law.”
Sunday, 4 November 2012
Ghulam Ahmed Bilour
Federal Minister of Railways of the Gangstapimp Republic of Porkistan
Last night I had a strange dream about you. In this dream I chopped up your testicles, sautéed them with a little garlic and fed them to my cat Rostropovich with sauce tartare. (Rostropovich found your testicles delicious). But on awaking I realised it was an impossible dream, for last year some rascally scallywags made off with my special kukri for castrating hyenas, together with my copy of the Holy Qur’ân specially dedicated to me by the celebrated stunt pilot Mohammed Atta, as well as my entire collection of Donald Duck comic books (you see, I learned English so I could read Donald Duck in the original). Those particular scallywags seem to enjoy reading cheap fiction, by the way.
I was intrigued by your recent venture into the terror finance business. It's certainly a most original way to start a career as a film critic. Cheap, too, because you’re never going to have to part with your loot.
I saw bits of the film, too, and I certainly agree that it was in shockingly bad taste. But on the other hand the script was purportedly based on the first and presumably most accurate biography of the film’s principal character, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)2, to whose historical figure you seem extraordinarily attached. This bio was written by one Ibn Ishaq a little over a century after its subject’s tragic demise. You can read it online in English at www.faithfreedom.org/Library. It’s called
سيرة رسول الله or Sirat Rasoul Allah)
I fully agree with you that the scenes of cruelty and lechery were indeed most distasteful. However I think the primary criterion for evaluating biographical motion pictures is whether or not they are accurate portrayals of the events they claim to narrate. Because if a biographical motion picture devoted to the life and times of a certain Prophet or other bigwig is both disgusting AND accurate, that would seem strongly to suggest that it was the Prophet or other bigwig in question who was disgusting, and our ire should hence be rightfully directed not at the individual who produced and/or directed the film, but instead at the Prophet or other bigwig to whose life and times aforesaid biographical motion picture is devoted, which in this case would be none other than the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)2.
In other words you can't make a silken purse from a sow’s ear. My advice is, if you are a fan of individuals of marked criminal, psychopathic or sadistic proclivities, such as Al Capone, Ivan the Terrible, Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Jack the Ripper or Mao Zedong, you should boycott outright all biographical motion pictures dealing with the life and times of said miscreants, in order to spare your delicate digestive system. Capeesh?
On the other hand, if you find that the film’s portrayal of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)2 was inaccurate, then the proper thing to do in civilised society (q.v.) is to refute the inaccurate allegations by producing persuasive evidence (preferably of a documentary nature) to the effect that the allegations at issue are false, or at least implausible. This sort of activity is known as “civilised discussion". Whole books have been written about it.
In this context, it is passing strange that not a single one of your hundreds of fellow-lambasters of this distasteful film has ever even broached the issue of whether what is shown in the film REALLY HAPPENED OR NOT.
Consequently it seems that truth, i.e. the real facts of the matter, is not an issue that concerns Muslims greatly. You're more focused on the concept of respect, i.e. personal status, Furthermore, in Mohammedan societies personal status is often attained by means of violence, for example by killing people.
You yourself, my dear Minister, have chosen to gain social status, not by killing people in person, but by paying someone else to kill on your behalf.
On these points (except for hiring assassins) the Muslim value system strongly resembles the chimpanzee value system, as can be seen in the following table.
Mohammedans vs Chimpanzees
Not interested in facts
Obsessive about respect
Very prone to violence
Table 1: Comparison of some social traits of Mohammedans and Chimpanzees
Now I am not disputing that you have every right to respect scumbags, or Schweinehunde, to use the timeless German expression. I have known people who displayed inordinately flattering opinions of Joseph Stalin, for example, the celebrated Communist butcher, and of other assorted criminals.
However people who respect and admire degenerate dirtbags like Al Capone, Ivan the Terrible, Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler or Jack the Ripper, and their ilk (I’m not sure about Mao Zedong) seldom threaten to murder those who find fault with their respective idols. I think this is because aforesaid degenerate dirtbags have been unable to accumulate enough devoted fans to really scare the shit out of their critics, and accordingly murder threats are unlikely to be effective in shutting those critics up.
But the situation is radically different in the case of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)2. This worthy has amassed a populous fan club, each of whose members is fiercely devoted to his cause, and furthermore committed to imitate him in all things, especially when it comes to murdering people, an art at which the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)2 appears to have excelled, to judge by aforesaid bio.
The great number of the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh)2 ’s fans is often interpreted to mean that his teachings were somehow beneficial. I, on the other hand, believe that we have a perfect analogy in the fact that millions of flies love shit.
I expect your reply with great anticipation,
Yours sincerely, Igor Slamoff
 My sources are: Richard W. Wrangham: Collective Violence: Comparisons between Youths and Chimpanzees, and several books about chimpanzee behavior by Frans de Waal, Byrne & Whiten 1988, Goodall. 1971, 1986. I will just cite some suggestive passages, without attempting any rigorous analysis. "One male chimpanzee that was injured in a fight with his rival limped for a week afterward but only when his rival could see him.” “A subordinate male chimpanzee conceals his erect penis when trying to approach a female without attracting the notice of the dominant male who is almost certain to attack if he sees what is going on.” “Chimpanzees do pay respect to each other in all sorts of ways. for instance, bowing to a dominant animal, but once this animal has lost out in the power game, this behaviour stops instantly.” “The concepts that sociologists use to account for collective violence in youth gangs are somewhat similar to those applied by anthropologists and biologists to chimpanzees. Participation (in human youth gangs) predominantly by males, an intense personal and group concern with status, … defense of group integrity, inter-group fights that include surprise attacks, and a tendency to avoid mass confrontation. Males are highly motivated to gain personal status, which they do by physical violence. The use of physical violence to resolve individual status competition is an important predictor of collective violence at the gang level. Among chimpanzees the use of physical violence to settle status competition is universal (in the wild and captivity)”
 The part I like best is in chapter 20 “Khaybar”, which unfortunately wasn't shown in the film. Kinana, Mohammed’s captive, obstinately refuses to disclose the location of a buried treasure. Ibn Ishaq wrote: “The apostle of Allah handed him [i.e. Kinana] over to al Zubayr, saying, 'Torture him until he tells what he knows', and al Zubayr kindled a fire on his chest so that he almost expired; then the apostle gave him to Muhammad b. Maslama, who struck off his head.” Yessirree, your man Mohammed was strictly business. No Hamlet-like self-doubts or hanky-panky of any sort.
Saturday, 3 November 2012
[In the name of Allah, the Merciful and Forgiving]
The infidel Western powers have become more aggressive of late in their criticism of our Holy Islamic Law. Especially the ordained penalty for cursing or criticising the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) has attracted attention. The Obama administration and the EU, in their meek, pussy-footing way, granted that gross offenses against the Prophet should continue to be punished with summary execution, as is traditional in our Glorious Civilisation. However we were humbly asked to differentiate the punishment of various degrees of blasphemy, and assign lesser penalties to petty insults to the majesty of His Condensed Milkiness, in order to assuage infidel public opinion.
As Deputy Research Director at the Islamic Law Institute I was assigned the task of establishing a scale of differing degrees of gravity and the corresponding legal penalties.
I have great misgivings about this project, which means nothing less than subjecting our Holy Law to accursed man-made law. Our Sacred Traditions on this score are perfectly clear and can be consulted online at http://www.webcitation.org/query?url=http://www.masud.co.uk/ISLAM/misc/alshifa/pt4ch1sec2.htm&date=2012-08-25
A few selected cites of the accumulated and inspired wisdom of the ages follows beneath:
- There is no dispute that anyone who curses Allah is killed.
- Allah says, "Cursed they will be. Wherever they are found, they are seized and all slain."
- The judgement against those who harm Allah and His Prophet is more severe - the death penalty.
- "Whoever curses a Prophet, kill him!
- Similarly on the Day of the Conquest, he ordered the killing of Ibn Khatal and his two slave girls who used to sing his curses on the Prophet.
- In another hadith about a man who used to curse the Prophet, the Prophet said, "Who will save me from my enemy?" Khalid said, "I will," so the Prophet sent him out and he killed him.
- Similarly the Prophet commanded that a group of unbelievers who used to injure and curse him, like an-Nadr ibn al-Harith and 'Uqba ibn Abi Mu'ayt, be killed
- 'Abdu'r-Razzaq mentioned that a man cursed the Prophet, causing the Prophet to say, "Who will save me from my enemy?" Az-Zubayr said, "I will." He sent az-Zubayr and he killed him.
- It is related that a woman used to curse the Prophet and he said, "Who will save me from my enemy?" Khalid ibn al-Walid went out and killed her.
- Ibn Qani' related that a man came to the Prophet and said, "Messenger of Allah, I heard my father say something ugly about you, so I killed him," and that did not distress the Prophet.
- So the Imams take this, as a proof that anyone who does anything that might anger, harm or curse the Prophet in any way should be killed.
- "It is not lawful to kill a Muslim for cursing anyone except the Messenger of Allah. Whoever curses him, his blood is lawful."
- However, the consensus is that anyone who curses him is to be killed as we have already stated.
- Anyone who curses or disparages the Prophet has shown clear symptoms of the sickness of his heart and proof of his real convictions and belief.
- To be judged an unbeliever, his statement must either be a clear statement of disbelief, like calling the Prophet a liar, or originate from mocking words and censure.
- Because upholding the Prophet's honour is an obligation owed by his entire community
- … the punishment of someone who curses the Prophet is that he is to be is killed
Nonetheless, I decided to prepare a phony fatwa to pull the wool over the eyes of the gullible Westerners, in which we officially declare for the record that certain minor blasphemies should be punished more humanely, for example by cutting out the offender’s tongue or mutilating his reproductive organs without anaesthesia.
I asked my assistants to come up with a draft ranking of big ,middling and small blasphemies, and a few days later was handed this note:
In the name of Allah, the Merciful and Forgiving
Oh Most Honourable Deputy Research Director:
Obeying your illustrious commands, we have reluctantly drafted a list of the most common blasphemies directed by infidels and other miscreants against our Holy Prophet (pbuh) and have tried to rank them by the seriousness of the affront to His Sanctity.
However we were overwhelmed by the task, most repugnant to faithful Muslims, of classifying this odious material, which is thrice accursed in Allah’s eyes, and accordingly have been unable to agree on their relative gravity. We are consequently submitting a list in alphabetical order so that you may make a preliminary classification.
TENTATIVE BLASPHEMY RICHTER SCALE
The Prophet Mohammed enjoyed gouging people’s eyeballs out
The Prophet Mohammed invented the idea of paradise so that his followers would be willing to die fighting for his sordid ambitions
The Prophet Mohammed loved to inflict pain
The Prophet Mohammed never actually existed
The Prophet Mohammed never saw any angels, he just made up all that Holy Qur’ân crap as he went along, pretending Allah had instructed whatever was momentarily convenient for Mohammed’s sordid political plans
The Prophet Mohammed used to beat his wives
The Prophet Mohammed used to cheat at poker
The Prophet Mohammed was an ignoramus
The Prophet Mohammed was a bloodthirsty killer
The Prophet Mohammed was a cranky old fart in old age
The Prophet Mohammed was a cranky middle-aged fart in middle age
The Prophet Mohammed was a cranky young fart in young age
The Prophet Mohammed was a disgusting pervert
The Prophet Mohammed was a dreadful poet
The Prophet Mohammed was a homicidal maniac
The Prophet Mohammed was a hypocritical slime bag
The Prophet Mohammed was a lecherous creep
The Prophet Mohammed was a lowlife and a rat fink
The Prophet Mohammed was a mass murderer
The Prophet Mohammed was a megalomaniac
The Prophet Mohammed was a pathological liar
The Prophet Mohammed was a rank opportunist
The Prophet Mohammed was a sadistic torturer
The Prophet Mohammed was a slave trader
The Prophet Mohammed was a smelly baboon
The Prophet Mohammed was a sneaky, treacherous bastard
The Prophet Mohammed was a transvestite
The Prophet Mohammed was an opinionated horse’s ass
The Prophet Mohammed was as stubborn as a goat
The Prophet Mohammed was cruel to animals
The Prophet Mohammed was in favour of rape
The Prophet Mohammed would incite quarrels among his followers
The Prophet Mohammed’s sayings are mostly nonsense
In the hope that we have acted correctly by carrying out this most disagreeable task, we remain
Your most humble servants
Ali and Mustafa