THE KAABA – MOHAMMEDAN HORSE-SHIT IN MICROCOSM
Mutawaazi el-Sootooh, the Kaaba's true name
By Adolf Hitlist
|KAABA'S SACRED URINAL|
The Kaaba is a mosque (actually a mosquelet, or mosquito, in view of its paltry size) located in Mecca, the place where Mohammed concocted, or perpetrated, Mohammedanism. According to Mohammedan superstitions, the Kaaba is the oldest mosque in existence. That comes as no surprise when they go on to tell you that it was built by Adam (Eve’s lover).
But Adam wasn't the ONLY person to tinker with the Kaaba. Nossirree, when the Deluge subsided, Noah came to Mecca and rebuilt the goddam Kaaba, and then a couple of centuries later the Jewish prophet Abraham and his bastard son Ishmael came to Mecca and rebuilt the goddam Kaaba, and since then everybody and his mother in law have come to Mecca and rebuilt the goddam Kaaba. It must be the most rebuilt mosque in the world. Which does not say much for building standards in that part of the world.
As mosques go, the Kaaba isn’t much to look at. It's pretty small, only about the size of a large outhouse. When Mohammedanism became rich and powerful, a monster mosque was built around the Kaaba, so it now stands in a large courtyard recessed into the larger building.
The Kaaba, as the reader must already suspect, was something else before it was a mosque, because mosques started up with Islam in the 7th century AD.
The Kaaba was the sacred building that housed the idols that people worshiped in Mohammed’s day. Mohammed took a shine to the Kaaba and coveted it for his own invisible god. Soon Mohammed started bitching and whining that he wanted all the idols kicked out of the Kaaba. His relatives the Quraishis gave him hell. However Mohammed didn't make any suggestions as to what should be moved into the Kaaba to replace the idols, because Mohammed was against idols (he was also against monasticism, rock and roll, pigs, dogs, monkeys, infidels and a slew of other things). When Mohammed eventually got his wish and all the idols were evicted, it must have looked pretty empty. Invisible gods invariably entail ruin for interior decorators.
In any case, it is not the interior of the Kaaba that invites interest, but its exterior. The Kaaba is the navel of the universe in Mohammedan cosmology. When Mohammedans pray they face the Kaaba. It is sacred to boot, which is rather odd to an infidel like me, because no sacred event ever happened there, or, I should say nobody claims that any sacred event took place. It's just a geographical singularity. Perhaps its sacredness is based on its umbilical nature. The Kaaba is, so to speak, a topological divinity.
Every Mohammedan who makes the pilgrimage to Mecca must perform a large number of truly idiotic rituals once there. I think they were invented by the same man who discovered how to train circus seals. A sizeable chunk of these brainless rituals must be performed at the Kaaba, but I won't bore you with the details. There's a lot of mumbling involved, but action-wise, what you’ll notice is hundreds of people hurriedly walking around the Kaaba in a circle, large or small. It reminds you of musical chairs (while the music’s still on), but it's sort of boring because the music never stops, or more accurately, the music never even begins (music being forbidden in Islam, along with French kissing, holding a fork with your left hand, and hypnotizing crocodiles [actually I made the last one up]), so you don't have the excitement of the music stopping and everyone racing to grab a chair, as we do here in the decadent West.
Then attached to one outer corner of the Kaaba is what can only be called a large silver URINAL containing a black concave surface, which, we are told, is a meteorite kindly donated by the archangel Freddie, or one of his distinguished colleagues. It's been worn hollow on account of a couple of trillion kisses it has received from pilgrims through the ages. Kissing the black stone is desirable but not required, and is in any case impossible because of the crowds of pilgrims trying to elbow their way through the multitude to gawk at the stone.
This yarn about a stone built into the Kaaba, moreover a sacred stone that is a gift from an archangel, is such a corny gag it might have been invented by Walt Disney. And typically for Islam, it's not connected to any of their sacred myths. It's just an instrumental slick anecdote that barely justifies the presence of the Black Stone at the belly button of the Bandit-Cult universe, posing as a . . souvenir. Check it for mikes, boys. But we can't blame Mohammed for the Black Stone, since it was on the premises when he arrived.
And Mohammed wasn't particularly committed to the Black Stone either. He treated it like piece of furniture. It seems it was fashionable for Arabian temples in Mohammed’s day to display spectacular rocks of various tints. One of the gimcrack aspects of the temple business. The Black Stone is the only one of the old gods that remained at the Kaaba, because although a god, it was disguised as a stone, clinging tenaciously to the outside caparison of the Kaaba like a lamprey to a killer shark, in the kitschy urinal in which it is -- through the wisdom of Allah -- currently encapsulated. Who knows what theological manoeuvres it may portend?
Since the Black Stone is a divine remnant, in any reconciliation between Christianity and Islam, the Black Stone could be gussied up and transmuted into the Holy Ghost! To maintain the principle of constancy in the number of godheads, without actually imposing the Trinity on Islam. Pretty sneaky, you’ve got to admit.
We must now abandon the giddy paths of cosmological speculation and profess instead the stodgy academic disciplines of semantics and solid geometry. We are now rapidly approaching the dramatic climax of my Kaaba tale, in which the principal roles are played by semantics and solid geometry.
Al-ka’aba is the name of a small building located at the navel of the universe that has stood vacant for many centuries. Its last known occupants were idols who were ignominiously evicted on account of their idolness.
It is the only building I know of that wears clothing, or anything resembling clothing. It is permanently hooded by a large bonnet of black silk (called kiswa) with gold embroidery that covers the building entirely except for the bottom 6 feet or so. The black silk bonnet is changed once a year. Formerly the kiswa were sent by the Sultan in Constantinople. More recently the bonnets have been sent by local potentates.
Nobody knows what would happen if the building were forced to stand naked.
Al-ka’aba in Arabic means "the cube", “cube" being defined as a three-dimensional body with six equal square faces. So far so good.
Objection no. 1: The Kaaba is not shaped like a cube! Au contraire, it is nothing but a vulgar parallelepiped, since its sides aren’t squares but rectangles. Its dimensions are 13.1 m x 11.03 m x 12.86 m. In other words, its longest side is 2 metres (20%) longer than its shortest side. So it is not only not a cube, but doesn't even approximate a cube or even look like one.
It would be also technically correct to call the Ka’aba an orthogonal hexahedron. The cube constitutes a special type of orthogonal hexahedron, I’ll grant that. in which all edges are the same length. There's a family resemblance, but semantics is not based on resemblance but identity.
Although the Kaaba has been rebuilt many times, strangely enough nobody ever tried to alter its dimensions to turn it into a real cube. Conversely, nobody appears ever to have proposed that its name be changed from al-Kaaba, The Cube, for example to “The Parallelepiped” or, for that matter, to “Joe’s Pizza”, anything that would avoid that most ignominious of solecisms, namely calling a geometrical body by the wrong name for fourteen centuries without a break. Nossirree, they all just went on calling it “The Cube”, knowing full well it is no cube and never was.
That gives you an idea of what a lowbrow religion Islam is, and of the rudimentary intellectual discernment of the slack-jawed yokels to whom it caters. Constantly misusing –for centuries on end! – the term generally used for “cube”, one of the best known geometrical bodies and one of the five Platonic bodies, as a matter of fact, the others being the tetrahedron, the octagon, the pentagonal dodecahedron and the regular icosahedron. Such a flagrant sign of illogic as is this persistent (and reckless) misuse of a term for centuries on end is a permanent assault on reason. Just this grammatical solecism alone suffices to classify Islam as a religion in which all possible propositions as well as their negations are necessarily false.
This scandalous terminological sloppiness is a disgrace! It fits right in with the psychology of Islam, half cave-man, half village idiot. Nothing fits. Things don't mean what they appear to mean. Everything is cockeyed, twisted, inaccurate, sloppy and vague.
Since the Kaaba is a parallelepiped and no cube, instead of al-ka’aba it should be called which is pronounced mutawaazi el-sootooh. The H at the end of sootooh is a triple-alarm H that exists only in Arabic, and sounds like the air coming out of a tire that was brutally punctured less than a second ago. In many Arabic words whose English transcriptions end in an H, this is the H they mean. For speakers of Indo-European languages, such an extravagantly sonorous H at the end of a word is a concept difficult to grasp. Names like Fatah and Rafah are also equipped with these trick Hs at the end.
The best thing about Arabic is the bizarre noises you have to make that sound as if you were being strangled, or something equally dramatic.
Now, mutawaazi el-sootooh sounds a lot sexier than just plain al ka’aba. If somebody proposed to take me to the mutawaazi el-sootooh I would be delighted to go along, but going to al-ka’aba sounds really boring.
So the name of the building in Arabic is “The Cube”. However this name is misleading, because it's a parallelepiped, not a cube. Accordingly once we switch languages, to English, say, it would be natural to expect that all pretence of cubism be dropped altogether.
But that would be underestimating the claim to universal authority that the Mohammedan cult asserts. The ostensible truth of the Koran derives from it being the word of god, the invisible one. The building’s name is hence imprinted by divine authority, and accordingly cannot be altered to something else merely on account of a mere switch in languages, or because it is allegedly inaccurate. Since Arabic is the language of the Koran in which god revealed his designs to humankind, the Arabic name of an object is not a mere label useful for designating the object. No, its Arabic name reveals the object’s inmost essence.
Consequently, the article about the Kaaba in the English-language Wikipedia reads as follows:
“The Kaaba (Arabic: al-Kaʿbah IPA: [ʔælˈkæʕbɐ], English: The Cube) is a cube-shaped building in Mecca, Saudi Arabia, and is the most sacred site in Islam. The Qur'an states that .,..”
Did you notice? They call it a “cube-shaped building”, which is a goddam lie if I've ever seen one. Now you can be sure that the people in charge of editing Mohammedan related pages in Wikipedia are thoroughly saturated with the Mohammedan religion and its conventions, even if they’re not practicing Goat-fuckers. They call it a “cube-shaped building” because if they didn't, they might be accused of contradicting the Koran. And contradicting the Koran even in such a minor detail is a big fat no-no.
But not contradicting the Koran and furthermore not even appearing to contradict the Koran become second nature in a society dominated by Mohammedans. That’s why there’s a lot of self-censorship in Mohammedan countries. In Porkistan you can get life imprisonment for desecrating the Koran. And they’re not too particular about evidence either. One Porkistani Christian (there are a few thousand of those poor devils in Porkistan, always looking over their shoulders and quick to assume an ingratiating smile when challenged) once burned what he claims were old business letters, but his Mohammedan neighbour told the cops he’d seen him burn the Koran. So the poor devil is doing hard time even as we speak. You see, in Sharia the testimony of a Mohammedan is deemed far more reliable than that of a mere infidel! So the judge had no choice but to attribute to the testimony of the prosecution greater probative value than to the testimony of the defence, and the defendant was sent to the slammer for life. .
Later on in the Wikipdia Kaaba article they loosen up and back down from their initial blustering claim that the Kaaba is categorically “cube-shaped”, and instead retreat to their defensive backup positions “cuboids” and “roughly cube-shaped”. Prudent thing to do, since they have no choice but to provide the Kaaba’s dimensions, and the reader can figure out by himself that they’re talking through their hats when they call it a cube. But the important thing is that they covered their asses by blatantly calling it a cube in the initial description, playing it very safe.
After one learns the story of the Kaaba’s name, it becomes much easier to understand Mohammedan thinking.
The underlying essentialist condition requiring all this malarkey about pretending the Kaaba is a cube when it isn't, is the prescientific and religiously imposed requirement that the semantic field of the English term “cube” be congruent with the semantic field of the Arabic term ka’aba. In other words all things that are cubes are also ka’aba and vice versa. But this assumption is completely gratuitous. No rule of language requires that the solid bodies be divided into identical categories in 2 different languages. There can be close matches or very loose matches between the semantic fields of a bilingual quasi synonym couplets.
In this manner a crude, unscientific Mohammedan propaganda pitch can come to dominate our lives without our realising it.
The reckless, culture–imperialistic Mohammedan goons editing Islam for Wikipedia are distorting and Semitizing the English language by describing the Ka’aba as a “cube”. Which is an extremely inaccurate if not outright misleading description of the Ka’aba structure’s shape.
For one thing, contradicting the Koran might be construed as “making war on Allah and his Prophet”, also known as “making mischief in the land”. This is a capital crime in Shari, Mohammedan law. And contrary to popular belief, Shari is valid EVERYWHERE and is applicable to EVERYONE, at least in the opinion of Mohammedan zealots.
Now “making war on Allah and his Prophet”, alias “making mischief in the land”, is a remarkably fuzzy concept, which can be construed to cover anything and everything. So it's important, if you are charged, to get a lawyer and above all, get a Shari judge to hear your case!
But there are no Shari judges or lawyers where I live, because I refuse to live in Mohammedan countries, where such individuals abound. So the really scary thing is that it wouldn’t even be a proper Shari judge who would make the decision. You see, Shari has such a folksy setup that death sentences can be carried out by any circumcised Mohammedan, and he need not await a judge’s bidding to carry out the execution. So any Mohammedan could set himself up as judge, jury and executioner and simply waste me basically on suspicion!
So when you make public statements concerning the Koran and suchlike, you must be very careful. Being careful can be done in two ways: (1) making only bland and ingratiating statements, or (2) going underground, i.e. using pseudonyms and being very secretive about one’s religious interests.
Then give them hell.