Deathbed conversion! At last he saw the Light!
Osama Bin Laden converted to Judaism one week before his untimely death.
In what seemed a curious twist of fate, it was yesterday revealed that the notorious Mohammedan terrorist Osama bin Laden converted to Lubavitcher Judaism almost a week before the imperialist soldateska burst into his fortified compound near Islamabad, vaporized his prefrontal lobe and sundry adjacent portions of his CNS with focused hypersonic beams, and abducted his mutilated cadaver in a robot flying stretcher, to the horror of all the pious Muslims present, to the extent they had not been dispatched to their respective happy hunting grounds by aforesaid jackbooted merciless genocidal hyenas! The Jewish name he adopted at the Synagogue ceremony was Danny Goldstein.
It gives me a warm feeling inside when I peruse his final moments: always true to Islamic ethics, Osama seized a female employee and tried to use her as a human shield against the vicious Zionist mercenary crocodiles! But in vain, alas! Unfazed, they opened fire and slew both Mr Bin Laden and Mrs. Shield on the spot.
Perhaps he was tipping us the wink that it was a phony conversion to Judaism, after all!
Such a wonderful idea the Americans had, not to take any prisoners! Prisoners are a real drag, you know, because sooner or later they are going to sue for their rights and your legal and torture bill starts to rise. In a brilliant tactical move, President Obama previously ruled out the taking of any human captives, on grounds of concern that the US Military Code of Justice might be insufficiently humane to vouchsafe them their precious procedural rights under a variety of international instruments. Accordingly, all hostile individuals encountered were executed on the spot after an ID check.